A joke about TIGER

[kavins]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS (http://www.okeygolf.com). CAN I GO NOW?"

[kavins]

Two buddies went for a day of golf. One of them suggested that they play the ball from where it lies, even if the rules allow a drop or relief. The other agrees and off they go. It's a close match and finally one puts his ball on the cement cart path. He reaches down to pick it up and take relief and the other says "no way. We agreed to play the ball where it lies". The other argued that this would ruin his club but the his buddy was firm. Finally the golfer goes to the cart, grabs a club and takes a couple practice swings sending sparks flying and obviously severly damaging to the club. He finally lines up his shot and takes the swing creating more sparks. The ball lands on the green three feet from the cup. The partner says "great shot, what club did you use?" and his partner says "your five iron (http://www.okeygolf.com/clubs.php)"...........

[toledo]

Here is one to share.

Two friends play a round of "invisible golf".

The first guy swings and the second friend asks him "where is your ball?"
"320 yards away, right down in the middle of the fairway", the first guy answers
The second guy hits his shot and the first guy asks him "where is your ball?"
"right next to you ball", the second guy answers.
The first guy swings, the second friend asks him "where did you ball end up?"
"right next to the hole, for a birdie chance!"
The second guy swings and according to him his ball gets close to pin, too
They both putt and makes birdies
This repeats on every hole, until they get to the 18th hole.

The first guy swings and the second friend asks him "where is your ball?"
"320 yards away, right down in the middle of the fairway (http://www.thisbuy.com/category.php?id=10)", the first guy answers
The second guy hits his shot and the first guy asks him "where is your ball?"
"right next to you ball", the second guy answers.
The first guy swings, the second friend asks him "where did you ball end up?"
"right into the hole! that's an eagle!"
The second guy looks at him and smiling says: "too bad you hit my ball..."

[kavins]

As a young man, Robert was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Robert, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.

One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Robert woke up and realizing it was a beautiful and sunny spring day, he decided he just had to play golf. So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Robert headed out of town to a golf course about fifty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not. "

Just then Father Robert hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 400 yard (http://www.okeygolf.com/category-6-b0-Driver.html) hole in one!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied,"Who is he going to tell?"

[kavins]

In my hand I hold a ball.... white and dimpled, rather small....

Oh , how bland it does appear.... this harmless looking little sphere....
By its size I could not guess.... the awesome strength it does possess....

But since I fell beneath its spell.... I've wandered through the fires of hell....

My life has not been quite the same.... Since I chose to play this stupid game....

It rules my mind for hours on end... A fortune it has made me spend...


It has made me swear and yell and cry.... I hate myself and want to die....
It promises a thing called par....
If I can hit (http://www.okeygolf.com/Callaway-FT-iZ-Driver-_251.html) straight and far....

To master such a tiny ball.... should not be very hard at all ...

But my desires the ball refuses.... and does exactly like it chooses....

It hooks and slices, dribbles and dies.... and even disappears before my eyes....

Often it will take a whim.... to hit a tree or take a swim...

With miles of grass on which to land.... it finds a tiny patch of sand....

Then has me offering up my soul.... if only it would find the hole....

It's made me whimper like a pup.... and swear that I will give it up....

And take a drink to ease my sorrow.... but the ball knows.....
I'll be back tomorrow!!!!


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[kavins]

Three guys are golfing with the club pro (http://www.okeygolf.com/clubs.php). First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards.

He turns to the pro and says, "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

The third guy tees off and hits a slice into a pond. He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"

The pro says, "Loft."

As they're walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up. He says to the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots, and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same exact answer each time, what is 'loft?'

The pro says, "Lack Of Fcuking Talent.":)

[yannana]

LOL,So fun.I can not but laugh