Golfers Honeymoon

[Larry]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed golf ball right in the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."
He immediately drops his pants and replies..
"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

[Larry]

A sign posted at a local golf club...

1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width .
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a quick back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.

Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.

[Larry]

Three golfing partners died in a car wreak and went to Heaven.
Upon Arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course have ever seen.
St.Peter tells them that they are welcome to play the course,
but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks.

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them ask
"The Ducks?" "Yes", St. Peter replies. "There are millions of ducks
walking around the course and if one of them gets hit, he squawks
then the one next to him squawks and soon they'er all squawking to
beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks,
you will be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."

After entering the golf course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of them hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks. St. Peter walked up with an extremely
homely women in tow and asked "Who hit the duck?" The one who had
done it admitted "I did." Immediately St. Peter pulled out a pair of
Handcuffs and cuffed the mans right hand to the homely womens left
hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks" he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed
togather for eternity."

The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier women than before. St Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face, and cuffed the mans right hand to the homely women's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks" , he said . "Now you'll
be handcuffed togather for eternity."

The third man was extremelycareful.
Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After
three months of this he still hadn't hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the
man at the end of and had with him a knock-out gorgeous women, the
most beutiful women the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man
and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beutiful women and
walked off. The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this women
for eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?"
The women responded "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."